Putting Some Thoughts to Pasture
Where does one begin? I suppose that question finds itself as an inherent ingredient in the struggle of blogging when one finds himself rarely flipping open the dusty and moth-eaten pages most commonly referred to as the “blogging dashboard”. Were I to open it and perhaps put “pen to paper” at least a teaspoon more frequently, I’d probably know exactly where to begin. Unfortunately, for my sake and perhaps yours, dear readers, there is an unfathomable quantity, an uncontainable herd of ideas and thoughts, which roam freely in my mind. This post will pose an attempt, and perhaps nothing more, at putting some of those thoughts out there.
Yet a mere six and a half shifts remain before I, Stephen, will no longer be a humble and obedient servant of the monster which is world-renowned as Sherwin-Williams. I, for one, look forward to that final shift as a young boy waits for Christmas. This young boy has cut narrow strips out of green and red construction paper, linked them together as a chain, and cuts one link for every day until Christmas Eve and its dusk draw over the horizon like a velvet curtain. This young boy lies awake that night, eyes widened and thoughts racing, thinking of nothing but the sugar and cookies and toys that await him when the slug-paced clock finally reaches its appointed time and Christmas morn’ wakes with him. I, like that young boy, become quite restless as my days at Sherwin Williams close. Like the final act of a dramatic play, the curtains will close and I will give my bow. Be that bow to applause or tomatoes, I pray for the former, but I am indeed excited. This act, like several other untimely ones, will leave the store in a bit of disarray, seeing that we’re already replacing one employee and I, myself, will be replaced with a fresh crop known as an “MTP”, or a manager trainee. This person may have eight or nine weeks of paint store experience. I feel sorry for the dread that comes in the wake of my fellow worker and my absences.
Immediately following my last shift I will find myself in a doctors office, bent back, and taking a sharp needle straight into the shoulder. While I must admit that I look forward to this with great anticipation, it’s hardly like looking forward to Christmas morn’ as a young lad. It’s more like being a young lad who’s constipated and looks forward to a time when he will experience both great pain and great relief, all in one fell swoop. It turns out the pain and pressure in my shoulder is the direct result of my work, and be that the case, it will never go away while I continue in that work. This injection is to collapse a bursa sac which Uncle Sherwin has given me as a thank you present for all of the gallons and buckets I’ve slung for him over the years. Mucho gusto. It had long been planned to leave Sherwin-Williams, regardless of shoulder incident, but this timing was not my plan. Due to this accelerated departure, I had to do everything physically possible to have everything physically checked out. Possibly.
The dentist. I love my dentist, but I hate the dentist. I don’t hate him, just the metaphorical position and pain that comes in the thought of “the dentist”. My teeth don’t like me; no matter what I do, the acidic spores of tartaric monstrosities seem to pick off the young and weak from the pack. This time the dentist found two of their attacks, two cavities…and a tooth needing a crown. That hurt. Surprisingly, for the first time in many moons, he was actually able to numb me… twelve injections of three types later. This week I’ll go in for the permanent crown, and then I’ll say goodbye to the dentist for a few more months. I hadn’t gone in about three years, but regardless of my frequency to his office… well… let’s just say I know the drill there.
As I stated, I was already planning on leaving the company of which we do not speak yet my decision was accelerated because my hand, or rather my arm, was forced in the matter. I have always felt the call to full-time ministry. There is not another job, leisurely activity, position, or desire that overwhelms, excites, or stirs my heart as much as when I serve God by showing love for the body of Christ and other people by using the gifts God has given to me. Serving Christ is all I want to do! I need training. And unfortunately, because of the professionalization of ministry, I need a degree. Eventually it seemed to me that Northwest Baptist Seminary was not possible because Sherwin-Williams was in the way; looks like that’s not a problem now, and while my decision was already made anyhow, this shoulder issue has more than confirmed that I am, indeed, doing the right thing. Seminary should take me a good three or more years. How am I financing that? I’ve got some ideas, but honestly, not a clue.
This last quarter I took a class to get my feet wet. The professor told us from the get-go that it was his goal, in part, to make us fall in love with the Gospels again. I know I can say, on my behalf, that his goal was accomplished. I’ve really come to appreciate the authors of the Gospels, how they arranged and included different stories about Jesus in order to bring to light something awesome, personal, and theological to each of their audiences. In order to convince each of their audiences of something cool about Jesus, they chose stories that would speak to that light and teach them those principles not only that their opinions on the matter might change but that the might grow in relationship with that same Jesus. I could say a ton more, and perhaps I will at another time, but I’ll leave it at this: That class totally revitalized my passion, understanding, and desire to know Christ and to know him through the Gospels.
I recently finished reading a book that I found to be quite interesting and stimulating. Alright, so actually I found it super convicting, especially as a self-proclaimed logical bullet-pointing right-brained organizational neat-freak. The book is called “Searching for God Knows What”, by Donald Miller. I highly recommend it, while I don’t agree 100% with everything within, I still found it to be very encouraging and edifying. It actually gave me a few gut punches and left-hooks to the kidneys as I read it. These are some of his major emphases: 1) We tend to turn our relationship with God, and sometimes other people, into a formulaic approach. Rather than viewing our relationship with him as being just that – a relationship – we treat him like a cause-and-effect formula by which input-output is measured by what we do. 2) We systematize the Bible, breaking down into all kinds of lists, charts, and formulas when we should be paying more attention to the poetry, the “blood and pain of the narrative”, the depth of the emotion with which God communicates these truths. 3) Like a group of survivors in a lifeboat, we each try to show and explain to each other why we’re worthy enough to not get thrown off the lifeboat. We seem to love comparing ourselves to one another, usually for the sake of gaining affirmation from others in the lifeboat. 4) The point that hit me over and over again throughout the book can be summed up in a quote from early on in the book. Donald says, or rather asks, “What if the motive behind our theology was relational?”
This question hits me harder than just about any proposition he makes. Why do I do what I do? Do I study God’s Word and theologize because I think it’s cool or awesome? Do I teach these things because I want to show my worth, and thus gain affirmation from those around me? Do I simply do it for fun? There’s lots of things I could just do for fun. Why do I want to learn more about God? What is my motive? If my motive is relationship, to grow in the knowledge of Christ, than there’s more to it than just “learning stuff”. If my motive is relational, the entire way in which I view Scripture, and hence theology and life, will be totally different! Instead of cobwebs, charts, and factual propositions I will find, and hence share, the glorious thing that it is to say, “I know Christ!” May the motive behind my theology, and my entire approach to this great and glorious creator we call God, and his son Jesus Christ, be motivated by my desire not to fill myself with the affirmations of others but with love and a desire to know Him!
That’s probably enough for now; seeing that I have no official academic responsibilities over the course of the next couple months, I’ll be reading a lot and pretty much have about as much of an excuse to not blog as a rat has to not get fat in a cheese factory.
That being said, I bid you adieu, and look forward to many happy bloggings to come. Cheers.
-in HIS strength,
Stephen
Ezra 7:10
